Like every other event I get invitations to or I usually plan to attend, my problems were the same.
-Why does it have to be on the Island?
-What do I wear?
-What if I feel alone there amongst couples?
-Do I know anybody attending?
-Why don’t I have a car?
-Why does the sun have to be this hot?
-Is it worth it?
Once I start asking myself these questions, the chances of me leaving my bed gets pretty low.
Many times, I have consoled myself that my presence won’t matter and I was better off sitting my ass at home.
It was never this way.
I used to be very outgoing and spontaneous until life happened and tagged me along.
Year after year, my circle of friends kept getting smaller for reasons I had little or no control over.
At first I was struggling to stay afloat, wanting to remain the livewire among my clique of friends but the truth was not far-fetched.
People were moving on and I felt like I was trying too hard to patch things.
If I suggest to my friends a place I’d like us to go;
A thinks I am crazy.
B thinks I really need to get a job.
C thinks I should grow up.
D would pretend to listen.
E would give me monosyllabic replies.
F thinks she has better things to do with her time.
G would rather be at another place.
H would rather go with her boyfriend.
I usually laugh to mask the rejection but it always hurts deep down.
There are less disappointments with seeing my company as an only option, reason I made a resolution to embrace solo outings this year.
I used to think I would never enjoy seeing movies in the cinema alone but it wasn’t until I tried. My genre of movies, romantic comedies, makes things easier. I can laugh alone as loud as I want, doze off if the movie gets boring, fiddle with my phone or leave with shafts of popcorn on my chin without anybody judging me.
I remember the first time I ate out heavily on my bills. I ate like I was having stolen food but thank God practice makes perfect.
If a pack of pizza makes me happy, I’m having it. If it’s a bowl of hans & rene, I’ll take it so long as I have change to transport myself back home.
I can sit open legged in restaurants like Caitlyn Jenner, scrape my plates when I have lunch without caring what the other person thinks of me or dine on eba and egusi without fork&knife. I’m making all the rules now, remember?
Attending events alone sucks, I know. But I can always leave when I want or if I get uncomfortable. What is the worst that can happen?
I plan on adding activities like swimming, karting or maybe a solo trip to a neighbourhood country as soon as I can afford it.
Basically, I do not have to wait to be in a relationship or wait an eternity for friends that understand me before I enjoy this gift of life.
As for the sun, it’s its season. Let it shine.
A fat purse, nice dresses and fancy cars will definitely come and make things easier someday.
Until then…
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